Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's the barista slut.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
