I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
