end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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