I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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