how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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