Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
