my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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