He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
