Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
