Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
