he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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