my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The beer is more important than you right now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
