I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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