she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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