One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Are my feet made of real feet?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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