People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
