We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
