My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
