it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
