I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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