I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
