: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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