p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
