So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
