Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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