C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
