Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
