i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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