Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
