O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
