What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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