i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
