are you still at the devil's house?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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