Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
