The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
