I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
