we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
