so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
