This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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