TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
