Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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