The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
