She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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