The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
