Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
