In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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