They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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