I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my phone needs a breathalizer
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
