I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
