If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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