The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
